I fear my periods.

Having my period has always been one of my hates, however, as I’ve got older, they have become much worse.

No one is a fan of their period… the monthly visit from Mother Nature… Aunt Flo… The Blob… call it what you will.

I remember wanting to cry when I first got mine. In my head, I was a ‘woman’ already, my body could actually produce children, but the pain was horrific. I sat on the toilet wanting to leave my own body for 5 minutes. To get away from this constant grip in my uterus. I wasn’t prepared for the bloody mess, the hormones, the amount of blood and the monthly set backs.

I try to be optimistic about my periods. I tell myself that being positive will help my body- mind over matter. However, sometimes that stuff doesn’t work and you just need a big bar of chocolate, Netflix and a heatie. Or, for me, codeine/ the strongest painkillers I have. My periods are excruciating some days.

Unknown to many, but periods impact hypermobility syndrome. Due to an increase in progesterone, the joints become more lax and the pain of hypermobility syndrome can increase. Hypermobility.org describes

‘Many hypermobile patients, though not all, noticed a worsening in symptoms, more pain in the joints, clumsiness or a greater tendency to dislocate in the five days leading up to menstruation and in the few days after menstruation.  This is exactly the time when the progesterone compounds far exceed the stabilising oestrogen compounds’. 

I spend most of my period trying to do my every day things. I don’t let it control me. However, it adds to the struggle I feel every day to get out of bed. My knees ache so much, my hands hurt, my shoulders hurt… everything is magnified.

My body is ripping itself apart, and I have to endure that.

Periods can be fairly bad times of the month, but for me it means pain is increase to the max. I feel tired, I nap more, I don’t eat as much, I want to sit and cry for hours… but, I can’t. I have to move forwards, I have to keep going.

I fear my periods, but I don’t let that fear control me.

I am not a slave to my own body.

I will not be defined by this.

 

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