Personal Pieces: Self Harm.

I’m going to start a new section called Personal Pieces. It will be me just talking about everything I think needs talking about. I’m sick of people not discussing certain things and we won’t push them under the carpet anymore.

As someone who is now 20, which is scary to say in itself, I have this voice which people will listen to. People tend to push teenagers away when they try to say something but most of the time they are the important people in our society.

I never know how to start on personal pieces but I guess I have to address the topic.

Self Harm. Even uttering those two words makes me want to tear myself up and wonder what kind of person I am, and what I’m becoming.

People treat it as as such a taboo topic. For me, I’ve come out to such few people in my life about my struggle. And I wish that people had heard me, I wish they’d showed me love when I wanted it.

To the people who asked me ‘why I did it?’ and ignored me, thanks for being so ignorant to something which tears people up.

To the person who pretended it hadn’t even happened, you know who you are and I forgive you. I forgive you because society teaches us to ignore the problems.

We pretend that we’re all okay. We’re all getting on with life.

I don’t have the answer as to why I did it.

I don’t know what I was thinking when I harmed myself.

It was something I was used to. It became an object of comfort.

Something that helped me when I was down.

I’m not going to write how it will get better and tell you that you can overcome self harm so easily.

I would be lying if I wrote that.

I know the struggle and I know how hard it can be. I’ve been there and believe me when I say that I think I’m still stuck there.

I’m not recovered… I’m recovering.

I haven’t done it for a long time but I still have the thoughts. I still find myself turning to things which will kill the flame which threatens to set me alight.

I think that everyone has this image of someone who turns to self harm. Though, self harm is extremely hard to see.

For me, I hid my scars really easily and even today you wouldn’t know they exist.

So, I don’t really know what I got from this piece.

I’ve found it extremely hard to put this out there but I think people need to talk about this. We need to protect, help and love everyone around us who is going through the same thing.

I want you to know that you are not alone in this struggle and there is someone out there who you can reach out to.

Self harm is a monster but we can fight it together.

Love, Rachel ❀

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